Ok, so I’m not actually fat. I’m about 1.5 stones overweight (well, over my happy weight) so this is not a lot but I’ve been like this weight and size forever (ok, since I was 18, then 23, then again at 29 and probably again when I was about 36 when I went up to a size 12-14). I had a few late foxy years 30-35 sized 10-12 – get me.

Again, I’m not moaning, I could be a lot worse off (I used to work with bariatric patients so I do have a heart) but I am my own worst enemy when it comes to food, as I know many of us are.

I am a proud feminist and I totally approve of positive body image campaigns especially @jameelajamilofficial’s ‘I Weigh‘ campaign (I blo*dy love her) but for me personally (and that is what life is all about; what makes us personally happy when it comes to our own bodies), but I am personally not happy when I am anywhere near a size 14. I’m medium build (without the watermelons!) and medium height so I know what weight suits my frame.

I accumulate weight on my boobs (they are large and very uncomfortable) and my belly.

The rest of me is ok.

Every single day since I was 23 I’ve woken up saying ‘today I will not eat crap’, but I do.

I am weak.

If I had exercised more I would (*could*) have counteracted some of my weight gain, but the industry I worked in, in my 20s, was very fun, very social and well I basically CBA’d so fat got stored in special areas!

I eat a lot of good stuff too and I try and do actual exercise (i.e. not chasing after a boy or walking a dog), and I think this is why I stay only slightly overweight and not ‘thin as f*ck’.

Here’s why I am still fat:

• I literally cannot go without my Friday and Saturday tipple. I’m no alcy (ok, I am tee-total Sunday to Thursday) but I’m like what I’d imagine Charlie Sheen to be like in a desert or anywhere remote if I don’t get my Friday and Saturday fix.
• My gin ‘n juice at the weekend usually results in the following:

-two trips in one night to Sainsburys Local to get a) more fizz and b) more bad snacks

-bribing my PS4 addict eldest son to ‘go to the garage’ for more bad snacks (not beer; that would be terribly irresponsible – when is he 18 again?!)

-hiding snacks in cupboard so that my always-hungry (read *How Do My Skinny Kids Eat So Much Food*) boys don’t devour them all

-secretly eating snacks quickly in private so that I have double the portion when dishing it out to the family. In my head, if if I stuff the sweets/crisps/bacon trotter thingys/whisky and caramel coated popcorn in my mouth and eat them really quickly, the calories won’t add up.

I’ll get help now!

I’m on Slimming World at present. I’ve lost a grand total of 8lb in a year – whoop –  (well, I have actually lost stone and a half in total with 9lb back off and on arghhhh), but then there was the caravan holiday (read ‘My Haven Nightmare Holiday’ here) which required a vat of Sauvignon Blanc to numb the pain, and then there was also Ibiza (not a raving trip whatsoever; I might have lost weight if that had been the case (read ‘Why Everyone over 4 Should Go To Ibiza’ here).

What are your food pitfalls? Can you help me?

Here’s me being sophisticated, not gorging my face, insisting on having only one glass of merlot, eating something that looks like a posh roasted veg pasta (I even have a manicure and a clean top)!

 

I’ve done what I’ve done for work for about 19 years now (yes, I know I don’t look old enough!), but I have, so about three years ago  decided to finally go it alone.

Working for myself is much better than I ever expected it to be and I have been very lucky to land great projects and clients but working for yourself (at home) can have its drawbacks (sorry, not moaning; I’m very grateful, just thought it would make for an interesting post). Here are the perils of WFH life:

1. You drink waaaaay too many hot drinks (my Slimming World leader will couch for this; measure milk?!! Pfffffft).
2. I spend a lot of money on ‘real’ coffee – My hygienist is reaping the benefits. I’ll never get a part on ‘Essex’ and America won’t let me in.
3. You eat whatever you can lay your hands on (at weird times might I add; I can go until about 2pm without food, bashing away at the keyboard until my tips are sore and my tummy is yelling at me, and then I end up tearing through the cupboards like Snoop Dog after a night on the funny cigarettes (read the post *Why I Am Still Fat* post here)
4. Your personal grooming takes a backseat (also personal hygiene, fashion sense, state-of-actual-clothes; gosh I need to get out more). I literally wash my hair twice a week; my wardrobe consists of (unflattering) winter sports/outdoor type coats that my partner took skiing in 1993, (old) jeans, big clompy boots and long sleeved t-shirts/light seaters.
5. You waste a lot of time making weird appointments for wellbeing alternative stuff (that you then cancel; last week’s was Reiki – as if I have time for that shiz).
6. You write a lot of lists (I am a Virgo. I’ll never stop with the lists).
7. People think its ok to call you, all day long, about non-work stuff, for a long time. I’m a thinker (and a writer) and not a ‘yapper’ so this is hard for me.
8. You always have to do the cooking (cleaning, errands, general house and kid nonsense). It. Never. Ends.
9. You end up being used as a sub-post office by neighbours.
10. More to come…..Do you work from home, what perils irk you about this lifestyle?

Here’s a gorgeous pic of me multitasking, on a long funky bench with fresh highlights (balyage baby), in new (clean) Levis and a stunning Whistles cashmere cardy (yeah right), oh and the kids are doing a baby yoga class in the background!

 

 

 

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton